That 15% ....

The voices in my head these days are 85% more positive than before. But man oh man, that other 15% is a loud screaming negative voice. I call her Nellie. Her full name is Negative Nellie. She isn't very supportive and lacks real people skills. She loves to dwell and bring up past mistakes. She's really good at crawling into the hard to reach places and setting up camp, if I let her. Just for kicks, she likes to turn on the old “self doubt” switch just see how far she can crawl under my skin.

When Nellie comes to visit she's a real bitch, kinda like Aunt Flo. I swear sometimes they tag team me. I've found that plugging into my favorite authors and motivational speakers really helps me take better control of the situation. Now, I hate to be rude, but life is too sweet to allow these voices in, even for a moment. I'm very grateful for my large Isa-Family for reminding me “there are no mistakes, just lessons”.

I admit I got a little cocky when I reached the 50 lbs mark. I celebrated a little too much and lost focus. I also said yes to Nellie & Flo too many times. I started to make bad choices. In came the shame and guilt followed by self loathing. I allowed the negative in and heard Nellie & Flo scream “you failed, you're not worthy, you can't do this, 50 lbs ?? you should be down 100 lbs by now”. This time I yelled back “ENOUGH , I AM HUMAN AND I AM LEARNING NEW BEHAVOIRS AND NEW COPING SKILLS”. That seemed to shut them up. I just needed to acknowledge, forgive, and release.

This is NOT a diet...it's a way of life. I'm going to participate in life and I'm going to celebrate. I just need to make better choices when it comes to the “how” so I can reach the goals I set for myself. I'm very proud of how far I've come and no matter what, I feel amazing! The is the best health I've been in in years. I celebrate the fact that today I didn't dive into a vat of ice cream after receiving another call from a bill collector. I celebrate the fact that today I can drive by “Fast Food Hill” and not white knuckle it anymore. I celebrate my daily triumphs because after all, triumph is just try with a little umph in it! I'm releasing a life time of bad habits and insecurities, one step at a time.

Today I changed the way I looked at things...and yepper you guessed it...the things I looked at changed!

I am strong and I am loud! Nellie & Flo, I'm in control !

Love and Light,

Mare